Does God Call Us to be... Extroverts??

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a different church with my family. My own church I normally go to is awesome and rock-solid, though I may be a tiny bit biased since I’ve been going there all my life. In my mind, no church could possibly be more reliable and faithful to the Word of God as my church is. So, when I’m visiting a church that’s new to me, I tend to keep my guard up for anything I may disagree with. It’s kind of a bad habit since I’m supposed to be there to learn, but it is still good to be vigilant.

Anyways, it was a lovely church, and very friendly; similar to my church in quite a few ways. The sermon was great! (Of course, it doesn’t match up to my pastors’ sermons.) ;) Something struck me as very thought-provoking.

The sermon was on being part of a church body. The pastor started out with an illustration based on an article he read (this one, I believe). He said that according to the article, where you sit in an airplane is a big deal. Aisle people are flighty introverts and window people are privacy-valuing dreamers. The very tiny leftover percentage are middle seat people. Extroverts--“considerate,” and “highly evolved”. The point of his illustration was that everyone in the church should be a middle seat Christian.

A question arose for me: Does God call us to be extroverts? I’ve been listening to the audiobook of Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh with my dad, so I was skeptical. To answer this question, we must answer a few other questions first.

What are extroverts? And while we’re at it, What are introverts? Some quick definitions for those of you who aren’t familiar with the whole introvert-extrovert terminology:

Extroverts are energized by being with people. They are often seen are outgoing, social, and expressive.

Introverts are energized by time alone. They’re seen as quiet, aloof people; lone wolves. I am an example of an introvert. =)

Now, from what I’ve observed, there are pretty much two viewpoints you can take on the question, Does God call us to be extroverts?.

Viewpoint A: Yes. Being like Christ absolutely means being an extrovert, even if you don’t like it. You need to fellowship with anybody and everybody. You need to always be in the crowd, building relationships.

Well, actually, Christ liked to get his time alone too… (Luke 5:15-16, ESV: But now even more the report about him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.)

Viewpoint B: No. If you don’t fellowship with others, that isn’t your sin nature. That’s your personality. You do you.

I don’t really agree with this one either. Just take a look at what we know that God calls us to do:

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. - Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)

Ok, introverts can “consider how to stir one another to love and good works”.  And some are great at encouraging, especially one-on-one. But, if you look at it from a specific angle, “not neglecting to meet together” falls under “socializing,” aka “extroverting.”

This passage, combined with Luke 5:15-16, falls under another viewpoint.

Viewpoint C: Know your personality and play off your strengths. Don’t exhaust yourself--that makes it a lot easier to fall into temptation. But take advantage of your church, and build friendships too. If you call God’s commands for the Christian “extroverting”, then yes, you are called to extrovert. But God also calls us introverts to be introverted, and spend time meditating on the Word and in prayer. Even Jesus got time alone.

This is my viewpoint. As an introvert, it is super important to understand that God calls us to fellowship. God calls us to go outside our comfort zones if we need to and do some hard things. If we cut ourselves off from all other human beings, we are neglecting some important commands. 

But it is also crucial to know that God created your personality, and He can use your introversion for good, too. Of course, your personality is no excuse for being selfish or neglecting to fellowship. Recognize and fight those sins. At the same time, be the introvert you are. Embrace one-on-one friendships. Be independent, thoughtful, observant, and considerate. Own your personality.

What do you think about this subject? Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

How to Do a Big Project in a Big Family Part 4 - Bathing the littles

(See the introduction and other posts first if you haven’t!)

Like with House Bingo, if you do it right, jobs being uneven can be an advantage. But with simpler things, if people all want the same job, there will be a lot of quarreling. Sometimes it seems like taking the hardest job is all you can do. But it is not.

You can divide work well.

Twice a week (or more) the time comes when all four little ones who don’t bathe themselves need a bath. The other six bigger kids need to bathe them. Sometimes the bathroom can get really full and noisy. And wet. People all want to bathe the easiest to bathe kid (the biggest of the littles) and get out of the rest.

I spotted the problem and decided we needed an assembly line. I made a list of the jobs:

• finding clothing for afterwards
• getting kids into the bath and washing their hair
• bathing their bodies and getting them out
• drying them off plus odd jobs
• lotioning them
• clothing them

I added “odd jobs” to the drying job to even it up a bit, but everyone still wanted it. How would I decide to whom to give it? How could I do it in a way people wouldn’t argue? And how to make sure the younger big kids don’t get overly difficult jobs?

I distributed the jobs from youngest to oldest (to the big kids). Nobody argued because I was the oldest and the younger ones should get simpler jobs. Well, a few kids still wanted the drying job but I told them they were too big for it.

And this strategy can be applied to plenty of other things!

Like making breakfast burritos. Nobody wants to make the bacon. Everyone wants to cook the tortillas. I take the bacon-making to get rid of that quarrel. Then I tell them if they cook the tortillas, they also have to put together the breakfast burritos, serve them and clean up. That leaves one person who still wants to make them and the others are content with other jobs.

Now it is time to think about how you can encourage your family to cooperate and avoid social loafing. Let me know if this helps!

How to Do a Big Project in a Big Family Part 3 - The Shovel & Dark Vader of the Kitchen

See the introduction and other posts if you haven’t!)

People need motivation. And if you are one of those people who offer your kids/siblings candy (or money) every time they do something, no offense, but eventually you’ll run out of candy and your kids/siblings’ll have cavities.

My solution is to instead offer them power. Sugar-free.

When all the kids go outside to battle the weeds, they tend to get lazy. Fast. The sun beating down. The lack of prospect of victory against everlasting weeds. You get the idea.

I noticed this problem and another as well. I saw that it was very inefficient for everyone to have to get up regularly to put their weeds in the green waste. So I appointed someone (the first to come outside for weeding) to carry a shovel around and collect people’s weeds for them. A very easy job. Consequently, everyone wanted it.

So the shovel got passed to someone new every five minutes. But not just anyone. The person who — in the shovel carrier’s opinion — weeded the hardest or the most. Now, not only were they weeding to get the easy job, but also for the power of choosing the next person.

This solution:

- encourages people to come outside for weeding fast, because the first to come out got the first turn with the shovel

- added a helpful position where somebody collects what has been weeded

- compelled people to weed more

The kids wanted the shovel both:

- to have an easy job

- and for the power to choose the next shovel person

I use the same strategy when we clean the kitchen and pick up after dinner.

If a few siblings choose to join something called the “Darth Vader system,” they will take turns being “Darth Vader” each evening. “Darth Vader” gets to choose who in the “Darth Vader system” gets what job.

People join the system for the power of being Vader every once and a while and then put themselves subject to the other Vaders’ authority. Since Darth Vader’s job is to make sure the people of the system work efficiently, this strategy works pretty well.

The Darth Vader is in charge of dividing the work, and, especially with complicated tasks, “divide and conquer” is a big deal. More on dividing work next time.

How to Do a Big Project in a Big Family Part 2 - House Bingo

(See the introduction and first post if you haven’t!)

Competition is social loafing’s worst enemy. Social loafing is when everyone tries to the least possible, while competition is when everyone tries to do the most. If everyone keeps a competitive spirit, I can guarantee you won’t have social loafing.

So make it competitive.

Instead of the normal house-cleaning checklist, one day I made a chart. Columns for jobs — picking up, sweeping, mopping, etc. — and rows for rooms — living room, kitchen, hallway, etc.

Once I had came up with many rows and columns, I had many unique boxes. “Mop kitchen,” “Sweep hallway,” “Pick up in living room.” Each box you sign is a point, and each completed row or column you help with is three points.

The ingenuity of this was that not all tasks were equal. This created a race to do the easy things. Even the most slothful kids wanted to get the easy tasks, so they finished each one quickly to go to the next one. Thus, they weren’t slothful anymore!

When I saw which few bigger tasks people shied away from, I wrote a generous amount of points the doer of this chore would get. And hence, workers raced for the hard jobs!

At the same time they raced to complete rows of chores (e.g. sweeping every room) and with all the racing, everything got done! It was super competitive and efficient, and everyone was proud of the checked boxes at the end. Even the younger kids worked hard to get more points than each other. It was beautiful.

Applying competition to weeding also produces much efficiency, as you will see in an example next time.